euphonies' excitement!

The journey of a girl struggling to follow God's principles in a bottom-line world.

Mittwoch, März 29, 2006

cloud of confusion

How difficult it is to keep a clear head on my shoulders in such a cloud of confusion. It's like thick smog and I feel some people are taking advantage of it. What a challenge it is to be stable in this rollercoaster of emotions. Going to the club yesterday allowed me to buy some dopamine, in exchange for a heart workout in the mud. For the time being however, there's nothing like a time of peace to rest the "noisy" brain. Conclusion of the excercise tonight comes down to a word I thought until now was used to decribe the victimized mental hypochondriac: mobbing. But that's got to be it! Funny though, that I feel mobbed by people, who on a good day, would die to sleep with me. Such is the perversion of mankind. Should he happen to need you, he might force you into a corner, throw his arms around you, peer into your eyes and say you look nice today, and get himself playing with fire and you backing up to put the fire out - being careful to avoid his wrath. You know, the bipolar situation. Today was an up day - major mental backrubbing, subtle touch or pinch in a group gathering, seduction tactics through and through. Tomorrow might return to mental terror. Both undecent, yet, they say you're such an amazing person with so many gifts and they promise, they will fulfill your dream. So, you start wondering whether there could be a bit of truth there afterall. "Nah, I've got to be making this up. That didn't really happen, did it Euph?" Then you leave them and realize it was all a brain-washing ploy. But you're not quite sure afterall. And the cycle continues day in, day out. Then the promise turns into pressure into seducing into wrath into mobbing. And..trapped! But I can tell you one thing - I ain't sleeping with them to get to that dream. Heavy stuff, especially for a blog. But thought I could use your support.
God, please reign over this predicament - for surely if you are concerned about the number of hairs on my head, you desire to show yourself Lord in this situation too!

3 Comments:

  • At 1:35:00 PM, Anonymous Anonym said…

    I haven't the slightest clue what the backstory is - I just know it doesn't sound good. Regardless I pray that God would protect you, bless you, and give you peace.

     
  • At 2:39:00 PM, Anonymous Anonym said…

    It looks more like sexual harassment than mobbing, if I dare say - nevermind, both don't sound good at all - Euph', we need to talk ! The sooner the better !

     
  • At 4:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonym said…

    Yeah uh.. when are you leaving?

    luv you hun

     

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