me moaning

Man, I'm just hanging on tonight -

• There was last night and the foolish driving of my male street friend and his friend ("Euph', can my mate come by too?"), who almost got us all killed. The driver, who I had never met before, obviously thought it was cool to race down the curvy highway at 200 km/h after a few beers, but you see, I am just not into that anymore. The proving thing. Proved it to me, alright: next time I will take my own car. What, like does that prove he is more male or something? So, whilst I could feel air under my feet from the rust-eaten carcass of this contrôle-techniqueless car, he revved and revved the little golf and just missed a car pulling out and another after that. I thought it was great though that he would think of slamming the breaks on and putting the seatbelt on when he saw the police. That was a positive I guess ...

• Then there was today, a pretty ordinary Monday to say the least. Wish I could write more openly. You would think that it would pay off to work at the weekend? Nah. No paid overtime, no recognition. Just a favor for a colleague. Why do I do it? Why do I say yes? No one else does. Just to help out I guess. Had to re-do half of the work anyway because of an indication, which was omitted in the brief. Nice one. Overwhelmed with my own workload and soon to be indifferent to the strain of being yelled at. Questions linger in my mind: why don't guys get yelled at like us at work? What's wrong with me? Did I get a masters to do this? Can I ever reach the expectations? Why do I feel like a failiure? But yet I still find the willingness to stick around till 9pm. After everyone else. Cause I want to be proud of my work. Tough call here.

Even when I don't understand, I console myself with a"but it will all be better tomorrow". And mostly that is the way, God gives me the courage to keep on keeping on. What won't kill me can build character, help me grow thicker skin and learn patience and trust in the One, who is faithful to guide this step and the ones to come. Feel this small now... *but, it will all be better tomorrow, Euph.*